Thursday, September 30, 2010

Pie Charts

I just received a Powerpoint presentation for a meeting to discuss a project status (of COURSE the meeting is scheduled for 1 hour). As I was clicking through the slides, desperately searching for some kind of point, I was relieved to see that some thoughtful soul had included a pie chart to illustrate a measure at 100%. Yes. You read that correctly. There was time and effort put into the point of illustrating the concept of "all".

Now I do work with some people who are routinely thwarted by the concept of 'Reply All'. And some of these same people are completely unable to cancel a meeting invitation without sending out 3 modified invitations and then finally just sending out an email to ask everyone to delete the original meeting invite from their calendars. But at the same time, I've met cats who didn't seem to have any difficulty at all with the idea of "all". As in, "I'm going to yack up ALL of my dinner onto your living room carpet."

I'm happy to report, however, that the graph was well-received by the group. At least I -think- those were noises of approval. Sometimes it's hard to hear over the cacophony of ill-conceived projects mutating into lumbering, career-devouring horrors.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

An Hour??

Is there any other place, other than the workplace, where the default time allotted for a topic is one hour? I mean, when all parties are sober at least? What business topic is so utterly pressing that two or more people expect to need an hour to talk through it? Surely it's something complex, with huge market and/or financial implications!! I mean, think about it! An HOUR!! If anyone outside of your workplace approached you and asked for an hour of your time to discuss something I guarantee you:

A) They're trying to sell you something that will require a bank loan
B) They're paid by the hour


C) At some point the authorities are going to be involved

Even better is when one of these hour-long clusterfcks has no real goal to speak of.

2:00 - 3:00 -Meeting to Review and Discuss XYZ Document/Report/Presentation

A meeting with that kind of a subject should be grounds for -immediate- termination and a public stoning. Even better is when the document is not disclosed prior to the meeting! THEN, it's like the world's shittiest Christmas EVER. Just a bunch of lunatics that you wouldn't voluntarily interact with, sitting around in a circle and watching one another "review" a document that reads like an instruction manual for ready-to-assemble furniture. Good job, Beaker! I enjoy your utter disregard of complete sentences or punctuation, and your avoidance of the spell-check feature is so brazen that I fear I may swoon. Momus would be so proud!

I've also learned, through trial-and-error, that any requests for edits, recommendations, or feedback are never sincere. Especially not candid feedback like "have you ever considered a career path that doesn't involve you subjecting others to your idea of communication, you talentless fck?"