Thursday, May 7, 2009

The AXE Effect

Cox [2:19 PM]:Does Lowflow know we're not gay?

milly [2:20 PM]:You act as though this is some kind of unambiguous fact.

Cox [2:20 PM]:It better be....Cox [2:20 PM]:We (both SS and I) were contacted by Lowflow ...

milly [2:21 PM]:*listening*

Cox [2:21 PM] vote for Steve Wozniak on "Dancing With The Stars" this evening

milly [2:21 PM]:*snickers*

Cox [2:22 PM]:I have an entire episode of 24 that I am watching during that time

milly [2:22 PM]:I shouldn't laugh, but I sat through the most painful handoff with him earlier today, so I'm glad someone else is being annoyed
milly [2:23 PM]:OMG, now they're discussing it here
milly [2:23 PM]:Out loud

Cox [2:23 PM]:Fantastic.
Cox [2:23 PM]:HA HA!

milly [2:23 PM]:Want me to bridge you in? You can listen

Cox [2:23 PM]:YesCox [2:23 PM]:Phone #

milly [2:23 PM]:Some day I should just dial you in and leave my phone on speaker
milly [2:24 PM]:So you can listen to the banter that happens here

Cox [2:24 PM]:lol!

milly [2:24 PM]:However, for the full effect, you should get a slab of bacon, steep it in Axe Body Spray for 2 days, and put it on a potpouri warmer at your desk

Cox [2:25 PM]:That's horrible

milly [2:25 PM]:Smells like prom, being held at the Oscar Meyer farms

Cox [2:25 PM]:Nice visual and olfactory reference though - We are getting the full effect

milly [2:25 PM]:I'm glad to hear it
milly [2:26 PM]:You really have to live the experience to understand just how out of control it can be here some days
milly [2:26 PM]:My eyes were running for the first 2 hours after Buzzcut (old boss) arrived
milly [2:27 PM]:Like the Enola Gay flew over, filled with Axe
milly [2:27 PM]:And just blasted the place

Cox [2:27 PM]:Didn't get the Axe effect?

milly [2:27 PM]:I hope that the effect was seeing me in my skivvies. And I pray that what has been seen, cannot be unseen
milly [2:28 PM]:And if the "Axe Effect" was the one with the tiny little man in his banana hammock, I'll pass
milly [2:28 PM]:I ran into the kitchen for a butter knife to gouge out my eyes after seeing that little runt

Cox [2:28 PM]:Dude...You are giving me visual reference overload here
Cox [2:29 PM]:You gotta STOP!!

milly [2:29 PM]:OK, fine. Puppies and kittens, puppies and kittens

Cox [2:31 PM]:You got airplanes from WWII, banana hammocks, skivies, a scene from a slasher flick...c'mon give me a break

milly [2:33 PM]:Amateur
milly [2:33 PM]:Spend a day in my head, once.

Moving Day

OMG, we moved into a new area. The old, evil milly is very alive and very well. Someone printed out a 1,200 page document on the printer. (YES, I AM FREAKIN SERIOUS!!!!) And at my very core, I wanted to take the stack of papers, THROW them into the air, and then shuffle them back together and leave them on top of the printer. It would have been PRICELESS!! WHAT does one do with a 1,200 page document?? Line the bottoms of all of the parrot cages at the MN Zoo?????

Also, within easy earshot are “Racecar” and “Lowflow”. OMG, I’m going to be found, broken, under a window ledge outside of this building. Racecar feels that I need to meet EVERYONE who I may EVER talk to, in person. And he has made it his life’s mission to make sure that happens. Just today I had the pleasure of meeting yet another person who I didn’t need to shake hands with (cold, very wet hands. It was like fondling a 5-headed eel). And this guy had the same look on his face – why am I being introduced to this person? But Racecar was just as happy as a pig in poo and was wagging his curly little tail in glee. Enter Lowflow. Lowflow was an only-child, and it is PAINFULLY obvious. He has one topic of conversation that he has decided is interesting – himself. And as he is CLEARLY an expert on previously mentioned topic, he feels the need to share with the rest of us. Ad nauseum. It's worse than John Madden's boycrush on Brett Favre. If I don’t hear about his last job, his Roomba, and Star Trek at LEAST 4 times a day, then I know he’s out of the office. And he is also oblivious to the rules of conversation – if the person you are speaking to has turned their back to you and is moving away from you like a terrified rabbit, the conversation should be considered over. This guy had been edging away for upwards of 10 minutes, trying to escape the barrage of comments beginning with “me” and “I”. So once eel-hands finally escaped, Lowflow and Racecar look at one another. And their eyes meet. And OH MY GOD THEY START TALKING TO ONE ANOTHER!!!! Work hubby and I immediately raced out into the parking lot to have a smoke. (He has filtered nicotine, and I get mine second-hand. To heighten the effect, today we sat in his car. The weather is possibly colder than my heart. Possibly. The jury is still out)